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You love being a mom but get overwhelmed, lost and resentful by all the parenting responsibilities. Listen as life coach, teacher and parent educator, Torie Henderson, answers common parenting dilemmas from hard working Supermoms. Are you exhausted from working hard all day but still feel like you haven’t accomplished anything? Do you want to feel calm, energized and in control? Then this podcast is for you.
Episodes
Wednesday Jan 10, 2024
Get Clarity in 2024
Wednesday Jan 10, 2024
Wednesday Jan 10, 2024
Get Clarity in 2024
Mental and emotional clarity is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves but when you are surrounded by other people's needs, personalities, demands and desires, self clarity is a difficult thing to access.
When we feel clear, we know who we are and what we want. It makes it easy to set goals for ourselves or get into alignment with our integrity. Mental and emotional clarity helps us feel connected to ourselves as well as others, grateful and content with our lives.
If I could put clarity in a pill, I would give it to all my clients and friends. Clarity feels wonderful. It’s like sitting in the driver’s seat of your life. You have your destination entered into the map. You have the power to steer your life in the direction you want and you are in control.
But how do you get it if you don’t have it?
Do not go further into 2024 without this magic pill.
Here is the 4 step process I’ve been using lately to help me get some much desired clarity as I enter into 2024.
- Retreat - Take some time away from the noisy, self absorbed people in your life (children, boss, parents, partner, dog, sibling and social media). They all have their own agendas and ideas about what you SHOULD want with your life. Physically move away from them. Go to a library, hotel or drive your car to a park with a nice view. Someplace devoid of clutter. A chapel, an art gallery, or a furniture store? Get some peace and quiet so you can hear YOUR OWN thoughts, needs and desires.
- Reflect - Look back on 2023. What were your proudest accomplishments? What were the highlights? What were the worst parts that you do not want a repeat of? Notice the negative but use this exercise to practice celebrating all the good. Give yourself a pat on the back. It’s too easy to think about the negative, give yourself credit for the good things you created last year, feel grateful and thank yourself for all your hard work keeping your family afloat.
Do not ever set goals from “not good enough” energy. Feel satisfied and proud before looking forward into 2024 and do a current assessment.
Take out the life balance wheel (email me for a pdf copy or download it from the Supermom is Getting Tired Facebook Group) and rate each category on a scale of 1-10 based on how fulfilling each area of your life is. 10 is very rewarding and satisfying. 1 is neglected or out of whack.
This will give you a great barometer for where you are now, what would help bring you back into balance. You can’t focus on all those areas at once or you’ll go nuts. Just pick one of your low scoring areas (or two if you must) and make that your focus for 2024.
Use a daily journal writing practice to keep tabs on yourself. What was the best part of your day? When were you happiest today? What are you avoiding? Use the How We Feel App to track your emotions and start paying attention to YOU. This is the most important and valuable habit to have clarity on a daily basis.
- Relationships - When our relationships aren’t healthy, it is a HUGE kryptonite. We bite our tongues, have conversations inside our heads, we feel guilty or inadequate, IT IS A HUGE DRAIN ON OUR ENERGY. Cleaning up our relationships with our children, partners, friends, parents and co-workers, is SO IMPORTANT when striving for clarity. Nothing is more important than having harmonious relationships, especially with those we see everyday. Don’t assume that other people need to change in order for you to be at peace. I help people everyday accept their loved ones for who they, stop wishing they were different, so they can love and accept them as they are. This is an inside job and a worthwhile one.
HOWEVER, I will warn you…..sometimes we use relationship drama as a decoy to avoid looking at our own life and taking control. Worrying about your teenager’s grades or being annoyed at your crazy co-worker can provide a handy distraction if you are a little afraid to look forward into 2024 with clarity and control .
- Readying - Once you know who you are and what you want, the next step is to ready yourself. To find people who can teach you the skills you need to learn. Do you know someone who has a good relationship with their hot mess of a teenager? That parent might be just the person to learn unconditional love from. If you want to save your marriage, hanging out with your divorced friends may not be the people to source.
Everything you ever want to know is available to you. Knowledge is available to you, you just need to do a little leg work to find the right teacher. Are you wondering how to return to work after a 10 year hiatus? Read books on the topic, this will give you a map. Want to explore selling passive income products? Search on Instagram and the algorithm will drop ideas into your news feed. Life Coaches usually coach on areas they struggled and overcame so they can be a great resource if you want to lose weight, reinvent your life after raising kids, or learn to stop yelling at your kids. Get quality training from someone who has done what you want to do. Many people wait for clarity and inspiration to come to them but when you consume information, observe and study, the clarity and inspiration happen naturally but you also get a map on how to get where you want to go.
I did this with following my dream to work while traveling abroad. I didn’t know anyone who was doing what I wanted to do so I listened to podcasts, subscribed to youtube channels and joined facebook groups. I took notes on the different ways to find reliable internet, I learned about travel health insurance and currency exchange rates. I talked with people who travel 51% of the year to save money, and those who are 100% nomadic.
The best predictor of the future is the relevant past. If you want a repeat of last year, then you can coast, but if there is anything you want to change, it’s time to sit in the driver’s seat of your life, program your GPS to the destination you want to go in, learn more about this destination and start paying close attention to how you are getting there.
- Retreat - Get away from the noisy, opinionated people.
- Reflect - What’s working for you? What isn’t? Pay attention everyday to what lights you up and follow that thread. Know who you are and what you want.
- Relationships- Make sure your relationship drama isn’t weighing you down. Cleaning up your relationships will clear out your mind and make room for positive forward momentum.
- Readying - Time to study and learn some new skills from qualified people who have been where you want to go.
This is how you will get clarity in your life. The clarity will give you purpose, direction, enthusiasm and satisfaction.
If you sign up for the 10 Daily Questions at LifeCoachingforParents.com/10Q, I’ll be sure to send you a Life Balance Wheel also.
Speaking of Clarity, I want to tell you what i have decided about the future of this podcast. I retreated, I reflected, I focused on my relationships and I have been readying myself for this announcement!
I am going to record the next 9 podcast episodes about the 9 different enneagram types. I did an obsessive deep dive on the enneagram during my hiatus and what I love about it and all personality typologies is how it increases compassion and understanding of ourselves and our families. I will be helping you with step 3 and 4 of gaining clarity in the next 9 episodes because understanding personality types is doing a learning deep dive with the purpose of improving our relationships (including the relationship we have with ourselves). I cannot wait to share these with you. I will give examples of which supermom kryptonite is most likely to plague each enneagram type and how to parent your teen based on which enneagram personality you see emerging. It’s going to be great fun and super helpful to you so keep your eyes peeled!
Tuesday Nov 07, 2023
Caught kid watching porn | Encore
Tuesday Nov 07, 2023
Tuesday Nov 07, 2023
Episode 46 - Caught kid watching porn
"Dear Torie, I am so upset. I just walked in on my 9 year old son. He was looking at our lap top and shut it as soon as I came in the room. I asked him what he was looking at and he said “nothing”. When I looked up the browsing history it was very clear he was watching porn. Not just any porn either, but 3-way super inappropriate born. I am so upset that this is first introduction to understanding what sex is. I know he will never be able to un-see the images he saw. How am I supposed to tell him about how sex is a special thing that happens between two people who really love each other? I want him to have a healthy sexual attitude but am mortified that this was his introduction to it. I feel like his innocence has been ruined." Tama
Parent Educator Answer:
I have been teaching classes on how to talk to kids about sex since the 1990’s. It’s amazing how much has changed around this topic when sex itself has not changed at all.
The frequency with which kids seeing online porn is probably the most significant and disturbing change to have occurred.
Sometimes, kids seek it out, sometimes they stumble upon it by accident, other times friends share it with them.
Either way, it can be hard for a parent to know what to say and how to handle catching a kid watching porn.
In this situation, there are a few points I suggest you address with your 9-year-old son.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE HIS CURIOSITY.
When our kids ask us questions we don’t know the answer to, it’s pretty easy for them to “Google it” or “Ask Siri”. “What’s the capitol of Bulgaria?” “Ask Alexa”. “What’s the weather going to be like on vacation? “Look it up”.
So it’s no surprise when kids hear something about sex at recess, they take to the internet to find the answer. We know he was the one searching out sexual content because of the search history.
Letting your son know that it's really normal at age 9 to be curious about the human body (especially the opposite sex) and how it works would help put him at ease.
Tell him it would have been ok for him to come to you with his questions and that you are going to buy him some books with factual, age-appropriate information and answer any questions he might have.
The message you want to communicate is there is nothing wrong with being curious about sex.
I have an online sex education class, “Time for the Talk” that I designed for parents to watch with their 9-12 year old son or daughter. You can purchase this class at www.TimeforTheTalk.com and also receive a list of books I recommend for different ages.
2. MAKE A HOUSE RULE ABOUT PORN.
Tell your child that there is something called pornography that he stumbled upon, that is different than what real people do in the privacy of their bedrooms. “Media sex” is fake. It’s designed to be shocking and exaggerated as a way to make money. It is very different than the kind of sex real people have who are in intimate relationship with one another.
Let him know that it is against the law to show pornography to a minor and a kid watching porn is thus not allowed.
You can tell your child,
"Allowing pornography to be viewed in our house by you or any other minor is punishable under federal law. Therefore, your Dad and I will not allow pornography to be viewed in our house. We understand that you can find all sorts of inappropriate content online and we hope you will make good decisions going forward. If we find out that you have been watching it here (or with friends), we will further restrict your internet access in order to keep you safe."
3. TELL HIM TO FOLLOW HIS INSTINCTS.
Instincts are designed to keep us safe. Tell him,
"When I walked into the room, you immediately jumped up and shut the computer. These were your instincts telling you that what you were watching was not appropriate. If it had been something interesting in a healthy way or funny in a healthy way, you would have said, “Mom, come here, you gotta see this!” Instead you shut it down like it was on fire and ran away as fast as you could. Your higher self knew you shouldn’t have been watching this and I want to encourage you to learn to listen to these instincts."
Life Coaching Answer:
What gets in our way from being able to have this conversation? Nerves! It’s uncomfortable to talk about these subjects when we didn’t get great modeling from our parents!
Most of us didn’t have an example set for us that we want to emulate, nor did we have the issue of online porn to contend with. If we had seen our parents handle it a way that felt comfortable, it would be much easier for us to know what to do.
Many parents worry about doing it wrong. We don’t know what to say or how to say it, so we end up just saying nothing at all.
We get afraid that we will make it worse or cause our kid to react in an awkward way. It’s this fear that keeps us giving our kids the information they need to navigate this modern world.
Sex education at age 9 is mostly about science, health and respect for the body.
Kids are smart, they know food goes into stomachs and gets pooped out. When we tell them babies grow in mom's stomachs, it doesn’t make sense to them.
I believe 9-12 year olds deserve to know all about reproductive anatomy and physiology, puberty, in a way that helps them appreciate and respect the human body for how magnificent it is.
Even if your child hasn’t started puberty yet themselves, their friends may be and they will want to make sense of the changes that are happening around them.
OPEN COMMUNICATION
If your kid hears other kids talking at a sleepover, you want him to come home and ask YOU, not google, for more information. You want your child to be able to hear gossip and think, “I don’t need to listen to you, my parents already told me what I need to know. I’ve got books and all the information I need at home."
Rather than trying to have the perfect conversation at the perfect time, aim for authentic instead. It’s ok to say to your kids “My parents didn’t talk to me about sex or online porn so I might get nervous or embarrassed. Hang in there with me while I fumble over my words. It’s important to me that you know the truth, even if I’m a bit cringy.”
There will come a time in the future when we want our children to have an intimate, possibly embarrassing conversation with their partner. We want our kids to be capable of discussing things like birth control, monogamy, and condoms with their future partners.
When we model for them, feeling embarrassed and saying it anyway, we teach them the importance of intimate relationships.
With today’s culture of online porn and casual “hook-ups”, it’s great for kids to experience the benefit of emotionally intimate relationships, starting with these important but embarrassing conversations with parents.
Supermom Kryptonite - Expecting your teen to misbehave
Do you want your teens to watch porn, have sex, drink and do drugs?
There is one sure fire way to get your kids to do these frowned upon activities and I see parents doing it all the time. All you have to think and say is, “I know they are going to do it anyways,”
When parents have this belief, “I know they are going to do it anyway.” They subconsciously send the message to their kids, that “this is what you are SUPPOSED to do.”
In education, we have this saying, “Children rise to your expectations”. When a parent expects their child to drink, experiment with drugs, have sex or watch porn, that’s exactly what happens.
This expectation keeps parents from giving information about the risks and consequences, or advising them not to do it. It also doesn’t give room for the teens opinion to come into play.
He might be scared or disinterested but feel like he is doing it wrong if he doesn’t live up to his parent’s expectations.
It may be that you want your child to fit in and be popular and you think that’s the only way it’s going to happen. Figure out how you WANT your teen to behave and start expecting that behavior.
EXPECTATIONS
Do you want your child to be tempted but make healthy choices instead? Tell him you expect him to do that.
Do you want your child to have friends and romantic partners that have her best interest at heart? Tell her you expect her to find that.
Expect your child to listen and obey your rules around online porn. If he doesn’t, then take extra precautions and limit his access to technology. However, always make sure you align your expectations with what you hope to see.
Supermom Power Boost: Teaching your kids about instincts and intuition
We are born with instincts designed to help us keep us safe. An instinct is a physiological response in the body.
When a giant spider surprisingly lands in your hair, you jump, scream and flail. Nobody taught you to do this, it’s just an instinctual reaction.
Intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning. Or, a feeling that guides a person to act a certain way without fully understanding why.
Over time both of these senses evolve, picking up more information about what is normal and what isn’t.
I like to find examples of listening to instincts and intuition that don't scare kids.
TRUSTING INSTINCTS
I went on vacation on the French Island of Martinique. It was a tropical paradise: warm and beautiful with crystal clear waters.
As soon as I stepped into the warm sunshine, my instincts had me take off my long-sleeved shirt and walk to the water in my bikini.
Once in the water, I realized many of the other women were swimming and sunbathing with their tops off. One of these women came up and started talking to me. I felt so uncomfortable! My intuitive alarm bells were going off telling me this was not normal!
It was a physical feeling in the body of “uh oh” “weird” “wrong” but my brain told me to ignore it, look into her eyes and be polite.
After two days of seeing women without tops on, it felt totally normal to me. No more alarm bells going off, my intuition wasn’t telling me something was wrong.
Your son’s intuition was telling him that what he was watching was wrong. Pointing that out to him will help him learn to trust himself and his gut, keeping him safe in the future.
If he was continually exposed to online porn, like I was with the boobies, the alarm bells would stop going off and he would lose this sensitivity to knowing right from wrong.
Teaching your kids to trust their instincts and intuition can be a huge energy boost for mom. This is because you realize it’s not all up to YOU to keep your kids safe. They have a built-in mechanism designed for this purpose and are WAY better at listening to it than adults are!
INSTINCT AND INTUITION
When I was a new mom, I hated the words instincts and intuition.
“Trust your gut” or “Listen to your maternal instincts” were so annoying. I had so much fear, anxiety and worry swimming around my brain that I couldn’t access the physical sensations in my body.
Kids are much more connected with their bodies. They haven’t developed the social skills to talk themselves out of what they know to be true.
Look for opportunities when your child listens to his intuition and point it out to him. Help him get familiar with this built in ability he has. Kids will often use words like “weird” “wrong” “funny” “uh-oh” or “cringy” to describe the feeling that something is off and their instincts have picked up on it.
Quote of the Day:
“You have the gift of a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you through risky situations.”
― Gavin De Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
Monday Oct 23, 2023
Annoyed and Irritated? Why that’s important | Encore
Monday Oct 23, 2023
Monday Oct 23, 2023
Dear Torie
So….my pre-teen just pointed out that every time I have to drive him somewhere, I act annoyed. (which annoyed me).
My teenager piggy backed on that saying I’m ALWAYS mad and yelling at her to pick up her things and do her chores. (which irritated me). My partner joined in saying he can’t remember the last time he and I had fun together (which TOTALLY pissed me off!). What is happening to me? Am I developing anger issues?
The last few days I started observing every time I felt angry. I’m mad at other drivers who don’t drive more carefully around schools. I’m mad at the poor job our school is doing to accommodate my child’s learning disability. I’m mad that I have to work full time and have a full time messy house.
I don’t think of myself as an angry person. If anything, I’m too nice and a bit of a pushover. Where do I go from here?
Angelica
First, let me say it sucks when your family gangs up on you. That is not nice and I’m sorry you got called out in that way.
Second, let’s talk about where NOT to go from here.
Do not go from anger to guilt and shame. It’s tempting, but this is what keeps you stuck in the “exploding doormat” cycle.
We turn into “exploding doormats” when we feel bad for yelling and being short or snappy, this guilt causes us to abandon our boundaries, cater to our kid’s desires. Ignoring our own desires and being overly accommodating, ignites our anger, (naturally and appropriately) which makes us snappy, continuing the cycle.
This repression of anger does not help us learn the lessons anger is trying to teach us. Most women are taught to swallow their anger, keep it inside, and not express it.
Some women learned to express anger in a way that violates other people’s boundaries. Yelling, blaming, cursing, name calling, are all unhealthy ways we have witnessed others express anger. Anger has a purpose. It is here to help us identify injustices and give us the strength to right wrongs and set firm boundaries. Rather than suppressing or expressing anger, we want to USE IT.
Feel around in your body and mind for any anger you are carrying around with you. Look for anything that says, “It’s not fair.”
The first step in turning rage into the fuel required to make change is compassion. This anger isn’t to be ignored or tolerated, it’s HEALTHY. Your anger is important! As you give it the reverence it deserves, you allow it to turn from suppression, to curiosity, to the strength you need to set healthy boundaries.
Ask yourself, “What do I need that I’m not getting?”
If your answer is “I need my daughter to do her chores”, go broader. Get less specific and more general. Take a deep breath and ask again with compassion, “What do I need that I’m not getting?”
Listen for an answer from your HIGHER SELF. It may communicate in a one word answer: Support. Kindness. Respect. Justice. A break.
Then ask yourself, “What am I experiencing that feels unbearable?”
A lot of my Supermom clients are surprised at the answer their higher self gives them. While the critical, chatty left brain will give long-winded answers about all the changes that need to be made, the quiet wisdom of the right brain often lets them know that it’s loneliness, disconnection, and overwhelm that feels unbearable.
When I was raging against the inequity of household responsibilities, and asked myself “What do I need that I’m not getting?” The answer was rest. I was driving myself so hard trying to PROVE that I was doing ALL THE WORK, I wouldn’t allow myself any leisure time. I felt guilty taking a break in the middle of the day. I couldn’t allow myself to spend time or money doing things I enjoyed. Having compassion for my anger helped me channel it into releasing the guilt and pressure I was putting on myself. I used my anger to override my inner drill sergeant and started having more fun.
When I asked myself, “What am I experiencing that feels unbearable?” The answer was all the mental arguing I was doing trying to get my husband to change his ways. I took the blame off of him, and put 100% responsibility for how I was feeling on ME. This empowered me so much! I felt so free! I started learning more about what it’s like to be married to a rebel personality type with ADHD. Reading books and watching videos of other people in similar situations, gave me the support and compassion I struggled to give myself. I no longer waited for some imaginary permission slip to let me do what I wanted. I started taking weekends by myself, signing up for coaching programs, and doing things that brought me joy. The more I filled up my tank and prioritized how I felt, the less resentment I felt towards others. I didn’t change the amount of work I did, just my thoughts around it.
Friday Oct 06, 2023
How do I get my kids to listen to me? | Encore
Friday Oct 06, 2023
Friday Oct 06, 2023
Episode #155 "How do I get my kids to listen to me? | Encore"
Question of the Day:
“I feel like I walk around all day barking orders. ‘Pick up your shoes, turn off the TV, finish your homework, clear your plate." I’m exhausted from the constant negotiating and push back I seem to constantly get and want to know, how the heck do I get my kids to listen to me?” Christina
The Parent Education Answer
For 30 minutes a week, I teach English to kids who are new to the country. Getting kids to listen is to me is very important and the technique is quite simple.
You crouch down to their level, use very slow and deliberate speech, look them in the eye, make sure you are speaking clearly and repeat yourself if necessary, check with them to make sure they understand, and ask them to repeat what they heard you say.
If Christina was to do this, I'm sure her kids would listen to her. It would be hard not to! But what Christina is really asking, is how do I get my kids to OBEY me?
The Life Coaching Answer: (how to make actual, long lasting change)
I think the reason Christina is feeling so frustrated and exhausted is because she has the belief that "They should just do what I say." When we have the thought "They should do what I say AND THEY AREN'T," we get frustrated and annoyed. When we feel this way, we nag, complain, maybe even avoid asking for what we want because we assume we aren't going to get it. When we act this way, we aren't coming from our leadership energy. Kids are wired to follow a calm, confident leader. When we have the thought: "they should obey me," and they aren't doing it, we lose our confidence and authority. The kids pick up on our wimpy, angry energy and are more likely to ignore and avoid us.
If we want to change this dynamic, we need to question the thought "They should just do what I say." Is it true? Are you absolutely sure it's true that kids should obey every time, immediately, without negotiation? Try changing your thought to something that doesn't argue with reality, but accepts the actual situation instead.
"I'm so glad I have a normal kid who doesn't want to do chores."
"I can trust my kid to ignore me the first time I ask."
"She is showing me I'm not in my calm leadership energy."
The times you feel calm and in your leadership energy is the time to request something from your child. Look her in the eye, slow your speech, and ask for what you want.
The problem arises when we ask our kids to do things SO THAT WE CAN FEEL GOOD. We think that if they would step up and do what we are asking then we could feel relaxed, calm, and appreciated. When we do this, we are putting our ability to feel good into the hands of our disobedient child. Not a great plan! Instead, take responsibility for your emotions first and don't wait for your kid's obedience in order to feel the way you want to feel.
When we take responsibility for our own emotions, we have more control and increase our chances of getting what we want.
The energy of leadership comes from our posture, voice tone, facial expression, and eye contact. The thoughts we think are what effect these things. If we think, "My kid will comply when I'm in my calm, leadership energy" and we focus on the things we have control over (posture, voice, feelings, etc.) we are more likely to get what we want.
If we focus on things we don't have control over (what our child says, does and feels) we feel yucky and are less likely to get what we want.
Today's Supermom Krpytonite: EXPECTATION (the secret energy drain you might not know is making you tired). Listen to the story about my daughter on Halloween and how stressed out I became with the innocent thought: "This supposed to be fun." Align your expectations with reality to help you feel at peace with any situation.
Today's Supermom Power Boost: Decide ahead of time how you want to feel. Don't put your ability to feel good, in the hands of your child. Take responsibility for how you want to feel BEFORE negotiating with your kiddo.
Today's Quote:
"Expectation is the MOTHER of all frustration." Antonio Banderas
Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
I can’t get anything done! - Replay
Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
Episode #154 - I can’t get anything done! - Replay
Question of the Day:
I am thrilled that school is back in session —really I am—but I am gobsmacked at how little time I have for myself. I’ve been holding my breath waiting for all my kids to be in school at the same time so I could finally get a moment of peace. Now that it’s here, I feel trapped and overwhelmed by the schedule and everything on my to-do list.
Mornings are 100% about getting the kids out the door. There is no time for me unless I get up ridiculously early, and that feels like torture. Afternoons are complete chaos, trying to juggle carpooling, homework, and after school activities. I need to get dinner on the table all by myself while my attention gets pulled in a million directions.
While the kids are at school, I really should be exercising because it helps my stress level but how can I prioritize myself when there are so many other demands on my time?
By the time the kids are in bed, I’m too exhausted to do anything. I’m so frustrated that this is my life and I can’t see any way out.
Monique
P.S. My husband is a firefighter so he’s gone for extended periods of time. With fire season, it’s not like he’s off vacationing, but he’s so tired and out of sync with our routines that he is no help even when he’s home.
Parent Educator Answer:
Can you hear what emotion Monique is in? Notice the energy with which she wrote this. Overwhelmed. Powerless. Trapped. Exhausted.
Usually, I would start by giving you some tips and tricks to help you solve your problem. A good time management tip is to make a list of activities that require no brain power that you can do while distracted like laundry and dishes. Only do these activities when your kids are around. Save the activities that require your attention, like writing emails or trying a new recipe, until you have time for yourself.
But any suggestions I give are just going to make her awful, when she already feels awful.
When we are feeling this overwhelmed and exhausted, venting to a compassionate witness is the best medicine. My guess is that Monique felt a reprieve just by putting her words into an email.
Life Coaching Answer: What gets in the way from getting what she wants?
Can you imagine there is another mom out there with the same schedule and routine who doesn’t feel this way?
Maybe there is a mom who feels busy and needed, but also valued and purposeful. Or maybe there’s a mom out there who feels guilty and ashamed for not getting more done in a day—she goes through her day quietly feeling like a failure. Maybe there’s a mom who doesn’t notice how much she accomplishes in a day—she doesn’t measure her worthiness by how much she gets done but cares more about how she looks.
So many times we look to other moms as evidence to prove that we aren’t good enough or we aren’t doing it right. I want you to look to other moms as examples of our flexible brains and how powerful our thoughts are.
The reason Monique is feeling powerless is because of the words she is using. The words we use dictate how we feel. Words have power.
When we use words like “I CAN’T get anything done” or “I SHOULD be exercising” or “I NEED to get dinner on the table” It creates a helpless and powerless feeling in the body. We feel trapped. We can’t see any way out. Helplessness is one of the worst things for the human psyche. All humans have an innate desire to feel free.
Monique feels “trapped by the schedule” and “overwhelmed by the to-do list” as though they have more power than she does. The way she words“There’s no time for me”and “This is my life” as though she’s just reporting factual details, is going to give anyone the exact feelings she reports feeling.
Notice how you feel when you think the thought “I am tired.” Tired, right?
How about “I’m overwhelmed.” When I think it, my brain starts looking for all the things I have going on.
The “I am” statement is extremely powerful. Whatever follows those two words, you are guaranteed to experience.
Our bodies don’t like when we lie. I wouldn’t suggest Monique saying “I am fully rested and happy to be here,” but she could ease into some softer “I am” statements with “I am tired but that’s ok.” “I am managing a busy schedule” to give her some more peace.
The good news is that all this is fixable. She’s a perfect candidate for the Supermom is Getting Tired coaching program because she would feel SO MUCH BETTER at the end of the 12 weeks!
The most important thing for Monique is recognizing that she is creating her negative emotions. She has more power than she realizes to change. Not in an “I’m not doing it right” way, (watch out for this inner demon who prevents you from making changes) but by thinking “There is a skill set I can learn that will dramatically improve my life.”
The second thing Monique can do is to stop using the words “I CAN’T” “I HAVE TO” “I NEED TO” and “I SHOULD”. These words all create a feeling of helplessness and keep us feeling like prisoners with our children, house, and to-do list as our prison guards.
To set yourself free from this mental prison, focus on what you want instead.
“I want to feel calm.” “I want to pick my kids up at school.” “I want to feed my family.”
If those don’t feel true, then switch to “I will” or “I intend to”. Remind yourself (daily), that you can do whatever you want to do.
You don’t have to pick the kids up at school. You could go to the movies by yourself and make them wait for you or walk home.
You don’t have to feed them dinner. You could listen to them complain or let them eat cereal for dinner. You might CHOOSE to feed them because you don’t like the alternative, but that freedom is yours for the taking.
You don’t have to drive the soccer practice carpool. You might choose to because you want to do your part and you like seeing your daughter happy and sweaty afterwards.
You don’t have to do laundry. Your kids can wear dirty stinky clothes and probably won’t even mind. You want to do laundry because you don’t want to be embarrassed.
We are always free. We are born free and die free. Even when we have three little monsters demanding food, time, and attention, we could walk out that door and never come back. We choose not to, because we love those little monsters.
Supermom Kryptonite - Fighting for Freedom with Negative Liberty
You cannot turn on the news these days without someone shouting, “They are trying to take away my freedom!” I’ve been talking about the FEELING of freedom that is really important for our spirits. To live our best life, we need to believe we are free to do whatever we want. If not, we get stuck in fear.
When people shout about politics “taking away freedom” they are talking about civil rights or civil liberties, “The rights of citizens to political and social freedom and equality.” I don’t want to minimize this important distinction by saying you can feel free whenever you want.
These are arguments of people “fighting for freedom”. See if you can guess what they are arguing for.
(Mask wearing) “Requiring someone to wear something or do something is an overreach of governmental power”
(pro-choice) “Every human being has a right to own their own body and should be able to decide what to do with their body.”
(carry concealed weapons) “THIS issue is fundamental and essential to maintaining liberty as are the rights of free speech, free press, freedom of religion and other encroachments on liberty.”
(anti-vaxxers) “We are for medical freedom and body autonomy. Our bodies are ours, not for someone else to govern. We are fighting for our freedom.”
(euthanasia) “We have the right to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Doctors should not be allowed to decide who lives and who dies.”
Let’s use the recent Texas court decision to ban all abortions after 6 weeks of pregnancy as an example.
Women in Texas can still FEEL free by thinking “I still have choices. I can go to another state to have an abortion. I can take the morning after pill or find a “back-alley coat-hanger clinic” to do the job.” Texas has ruled to remove civil rights for half their population. Now making it one of the least free states in our country.
There is actually something called the Human Freedom Index: A Global Measurement of Personal, Civil and Economic Freedom. In a very long and well researched academic report, the authors ranked countries in freedom and civil liberties, from highest to lowest.
Which freedoms are considered in this Index? • Rule of Law • Security and Safety • Movement • Religion • Association, Assembly, and Civil Society • Expression and Information • Identity and Relationships • Size of Government • Legal System and Property Rights • Access to Sound Money • Freedom to Trade Internationally • Regulation of Credit, Labor, and Business.
Unsurprisingly, the top 10 countries that rank highest on happiness ratings, also ranked highest on the freedom index: Finland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Norway, Austria, Denmark, Canada, The Netherlands, and my family’s country of origin, Luxembourg, made the list in 2020.
The U.S. ranked 17th on the freedom index and 18th on happiness.
The Freedom Index defines freedom as a social construct that recognizes the dignity of individuals and is defined by the absence of coercive restraint. “Individuals have the right to lead their lives as they wish as long as they respect the equal rights of others.”
Countries that rank highest in freedom trust their citizens to make decisions that are right for them. They respect free will, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.
So I can choose not to wear a mask at a grocery store, but when I do, I compromise the freedom of others to shop safely. So my freedom restricts the freedom of others. The government creates laws to help people enjoy their civil liberties.
I love knowing that if I buy property, no one can take it away from me or without consequences. There are laws in place to protect my freedom to come home and not find squatters in my house.
My beloved Costa Rica scores high on happiness rankings, but low on the freedom index because the legal system does not impose restrictions on criminals. They have negative liberty, meaning non-interference by government, so people can do what they want without consequences, but this impacts the security and economic freedom for a majority of citizens.
Think about it this way.
Negative Liberty is noninterference by others. If your kid doesn’t want to go to school, negative liberty means no interference. We’ve created laws that make this illegal because getting an education increases the child’s civil liberties, which increases access to economic, social freedom.
When your teen says, “You have no right to take away my cell phone! I should be free to watch porn all day if I want to!” You can say you are actually increasing his civil liberties, giving him access to education, jobs, transportation and relationships with real people. By restricting this one freedom you increase his access to a more fulfilling life.
Positive Liberty removes the constraints that impede one’s personal improvement of the fulfillment of individual potential. Positive liberty cannot be imposed by others because we naturally have conflicting views on whether and how to achieve self-improvement. Positive freedom means different things to different people.
If you told your teen they have to play football to fulfill his potential and have a meaningful life, it restricts freedom because no one else can impose their idea of self improvement.
When politicians decide that women are not allowed to make medical decisions about their own bodies, they are taking away freedom like a country that imposes marriage for 13 year olds.
Supermom Power Boost: Practice feeling free
Freedom is not just an important FEELING but also a VALUABLE CIVIL RIGHT. Let’s make sure we have BOTH. One, by not imprisoning yourself with your thoughts and two, by not imposing your values and ideologies on others.
Today’s Supermom Power Boost is to practice the feeling of freedom so you can experience how good it feels.
The more free you feel, the happier you will be.
When you interact with others, your joy will leak out and infect others.
When you experience the benefits of freedom, you’ll want to encourage others to seek it for themselves (without assuming you know what’s right for them).
My favorite way to practice freedom is with the thought, “I can do whatever I want!”
I walk around my house thinking, “I can do anything I want to do right now! I can tidy, but I don’t have to. I can get on an airplane to Tahiti, but I choose not to. I can sit on my couch and read a book, but I would rather fold laundry. Isn’t this exciting?!
I can be married, or single. I can earn money, spend money, or invest money. I can MAKE my teenager cuddle me, but I choose not to because she does not like it and I don’t want to take away her civil liberties! I am free to become the best version of me!
Quote of the Day:
“There are two ways to go to the gas chamber, free and not free.” Jean Paul Sartre
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl
Tuesday Aug 29, 2023
Rebroadcast: I feel bad for not playing with my kids
Tuesday Aug 29, 2023
Tuesday Aug 29, 2023
Episode #153
Question of the
Day:
Dear Torie,
I feel bad for not playing with my kids. They are super cute 5 and 8 year olds who happily live in the moment. I would love to be more like them. When they ask me to play, I TRY to say yes, but either I start cleaning up or I turn it into a lesson.
The other day, they wanted me to swim in the pool with them. I WANT to be the kind of mom who can have fun playing in the pool with her kids! I make myself stop cleaning and put my swimsuit on. I wasn’t in there 5 minutes before I started advising them on the proper breaststroke technique and making them swim laps. It’s like I forgot how to play.
My daughter wants me to shoot hoops with her in the street. I love that she is excited about playing basketball! I want to encourage her and play with her, but my attention span is so short. I tell myself “just play with her for 5 minutes” but it’s agonizing. I feel like I’m wasting time because there are so many things that need to get done.
Can you help this “All work and no play” momma become fun-loving and playful?
Tamika
Parent Educator Answer:
The first thing that might be getting in your way is your “play personality”.
You say you forgot how to play, but I would offer that what feels like play to your kids, may not feel like play to YOU.
In the book Play, by Dr. Stuart Brown, he identifies 8 categories of play, explaining that not everyone plays the same way. It sounds like you are defining play the same way a kinesthete would, “If I’m not moving, it’s not play!”. You want to play with your kids, but if swimming and shooting hoops don’t shift you into a playful state, then “kinesthete” may not be your play personality.
You might have more fun curled up on the couch reading books with your kids, or hosting a pool party for them and their friends.
The 8 play personalities are:
- Kinesthete
- Storyteller
- Director
- Collector
- Competitor
- Creator/Maker
- Explorer
- The Joker
If you are a competitor, you can make swimming fun with “how long can you hold your breath” contests or “who can do the weirdest dive”.
Because of your tendency to turn things into lessons, you might be a director, trying to create experiences for others. It could be more fun for you to create a “swimming pool obstacle course” or make a checklist of skills for your kids to master.
Figuring out what feels like play to you, can stimulate your brain, reduce the pressure you are putting on yourself and help you have more fun with your happy kids.
Now let’s talk about the brain.
When neuroanatomist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, had a hemorrhage on the left hemisphere of her brain, she wrote an amazing book, My Stroke of Insight (and gave a famous TED talk) to help us understand the two hemispheres of the brain.
Our right brains are all about this present moment, right here, right now. When we are in our right hemisphere, we experience a deep connection to all other energy beings and our environment. This side thinks in pictures and experiences life through our sensory systems. Our right brains love storytelling, music, movement, creativity, imagination, intuition and empathy. It’s the consciousness of the right hemisphere that causes us to feel playful, joyful, peaceful and connected to a larger whole.
So the question Tamika asked “Why can’t I play with my kids?” is simple but very powerful. What she’s asking is “How do I switch from my left thinking brain, to my right thinking brain?”
Learning how to manage the mind, to choose which part of your brain you want to be in depending on the circumstances, is the most powerful and beneficial skill set any of us can learn during these wild and unpredictable times we are living in!
After her first book, people were so enamored by Dr. Taylor’s description of life with a healthy right brain and non-functioning left brain, she wrote another book called Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice. This book is the “how” to her first book’s “what”.
Folks wanted to know..
HOW can we tap into our right hemisphere to experience deeper joy, peace and connection?
HOW do we quiet the left hemisphere of our minds so that we can drop into a playful state whenever we feel like it?
This is one of the goals of life coaching.
Before we can CHOOSE , we need to recognize and name the 4 sections of the brain. In Whole Brain Living, Dr. Taylor talks about the 4 sections of the brain having 4 distinctly different personalities.
- Left Thinking - Thinks about past and future. Linear and methodical. Gets things done. Details. Categorizes. Plans. Verbal internal chatter. “I am…..” which separates me from everyone else.
- Left Feeling - Always afraid, Bad things are going to happen.
- Right Thinking - Creative, sensory, playful
- Right Feeling - Fascinated, connected, no boundaries. Moments of inexplicable peace. Compassionate
Everyone of us has these characters in their brain. Getting to know them, naming them, and forming a relationship with each character helps give you the ability to CHOOSE which part of the brain to step into.
The left thinking part of the brain is the Captain of the ship. It helps us gets things done. It watches the clock, reminds us of deadlines and goals, it keeps things moving along. It’s extremely valuable, but most Supermoms spend over 98% of the day in the left hemisphere of their brains. Many of my clients will bounce back and forth between character 1 - left thinking, and character 2 - left feeling. They may start their day with a to-do list, but start panicking when obstacles come up. When your kids won’t cooperate, it can send you into left feeling, character 2.
Tell yourself you are “falling behind” on tasks, worry about your boss getting mad at you, or anticipate the embarrassment of your mother in law seeing your messy house, can send a Supermom from Character 1 into Character 2.
When your kids invite you to play, they are inviting you into the right thinking part of your brain. This playful, creative, live in the moment, expansive, imaginative, connected, part of all us DOES still exist. It is a part of your neuro-anatomy, even if you find it difficult to access, it’s nice to know it is still there.
The more you identify and notice times when you’ve been in your right brain, the easier accessing it will become. So the answer to why can’t I play with my kids, is because you are in your left brain, and perhaps trying to play in a way that isn’t fun for you.
Life Coaching Answer: What gets in our way from hopping into your right brain on command? FEARS
Fear is an emotion in the body. It comes from two places, our instincts and our thoughts.
I remember sitting WAY UP HIGH on a ropes course, held up by one cable above me and a tiny piece of wood below me. I was scared out of my mind. My heart was pounding. My palms were sweating. My mouth was dry. My body was shaking but my verbal mind was quiet. When I got to a place where I could stop and gather myself for a minute, I remember thinking “This is what REAL fear feels like….and it’s pretty damn exhilarating”. The fear I felt on a daily basis I called “fake fear”.
Fake fear comes from scary thoughts inside our head. It’s the verbal, left feeling brain creating imaginary future scenarios, or replaying past scenarios, that we react to as though they are actually happening right now.
“If I take time to play with my kids, work will pile up and I’ll get overwhelmed with work later.”
“A good mom would be able to keep the house clean, put dinner on the table, and happily swim in the pool with the kids when they ask.”
“I don’t have time to play! My boss will be mad, the teacher will think I’m flaky, my kids will get cranky, and I won’t have accomplished anything today!”
Telling yourself “I should have more fun with my kids” is a sure fire way to suck the joy out of the afternoon.
In order to choose which section of the brain you go into at any given moment, we need to release the fears that keep you stuck.
There are many ways to release fears. Two of the best ways Tamika could practice releasing fears on her own, is exercise and breath work.
When the brain goes into the fight or flight response, blood rushes to our extremities, we start sweating and our heart rate increases. You may need to run to the toilet but this physiological response happens without our permission or consent. Even though we might be creating it with a stressful thought like “I can’t mess up”, once the Central Nervous System takes over, it’s on automatic pilot.
When we enter this physiological state, it’s helpful to act on it by going for a run, riding a bike, punching pillows or somehow “fighting or fleeing”. If you have stressful thoughts, any exercise where you work up a sweat can be tremendously helpful to shift you out of fear, and into the state of rest and play.
The other way to release fear is to shift your brain out of the fight or flight state. The one part of this fight/flight state we have control over is our breath. We can’t force ourselves to stop sweating or redirect the blood flow in our body, but we can take deliberately slow, deep breaths. If you encounter a bear in the wild, you will automatically take short shallow breaths. When you are relaxing in a hammock under a palm tree, you automatically take slow and deep breaths. When our body goes into fight or flight, but we take slow deep breaths, we confuse our brains. The deep breathing tricks our Central Nervous System into shifting to a relaxed state.
Both exercise and breath work bring you into the present moment, which shifts you into the right hemisphere of your brain, which shifts you into a playful brain state.
Supermom Kryptonite - Too much left brain thinking
Kids are great at living on the right side of their brain. They live in the moment, use their imagination, their creativity and exist in a state of play.
Parents and teachers dwell on the left side of their brain. We remind kids about the existence of rules, about cleaning up, about time, about what’s coming next. It takes a strong left brain to manage the comings and goings of a family. Doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, and getting to school on time, could not be managed without a strong left brain.
Every time we talk about the plan for the day, or teach them to read from left to right, we are encouraging our children’s left brain thinking.
Today’s Supermom Kryptonite is an over-development of our left brains.
If we spend too much time following rules, watching the clock, accomplishing tasks, we lose out on the beautiful gifts of right brain thinking. Instead of always trying to bring your kid over to the left brain, try joining them in the right brain.
Your kid is playing with superheroes instead of eating breakfast….incorporate the two. Have the superhero eat breakfast with your child, taking turns powering up with fuel to fly into the car.
Some of my favorite ways to do this are:
“Do Nothing” Days - Create a span of time where the only goal is to accomplish nothing.
Exercise Classes are so good for my creative idea machine I sometimes bring a notebook to class.
Sitting in the sunshine for 5 minutes and focusing on my breath.
Going for a walk in nature without my phone (if no one’s watching, sometimes I skip :)
Sacred pet the doggy time, sacred chocolate, morning coffee
Floating in water: hot tubs, pools, lakes, etc.
Watching the sunset
Holding a newborn baby
Dancing
Supermom Power Boost - Meditation
You’ve probably heard a lot about this concept of meditation which is why it took 105 episodes for me to mention it as an energy power boost.
Meditation is this magical pill that has no adverse side effects but scientific studies show it can help decrease anxiety, depression, insomnia, blood pressure, symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, menopause, cravings and addictive impulses. Meditation is also shown to improve immune system function, boost attention span, memory, creativity, productivity, self awareness, happiness and emotional well being.
If you had a pill that did all these things wouldn’t you take it? The problem is this pill is really hard to swallow!
Most people hear about meditation and think, “How hard can that be?”....and then they try it.
When our left verbal brain has been in charge for a long time, it’s not going to relinquish control that easily. This “Captain of the Ship” is going to fight like crazy to stay in charge. When you first try to meditate, expect to get squirmy, distracted, and find a million more compelling things that urgently need your attention.
But the more you try it, the easier it gets. This magical pill becomes easier to swallow. The resistance to meditation subsides and you start to look forward to this break from the left thinking brain.
The biggest benefit of meditation is the same thing life coaching provides. It sits YOU in the driver’s seat of your brain. Every time you have an impulse to get up off your chair, and you force yourself to sit back down, you declare dominion over your mind. The spirit and essence of YOU gets to be in charge. YOU get to decide what you want to think about, how you want to feel, the actions you want to take, no matter what your default wiring might be based on the past.
Quote of the Day: “Western women will save the world” Dalai Lama
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
I feel bad , all the time, about everything
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
I feel bad , all the time, about everything.
Episode #152 How to feel better about everything
Question of the Day:
Dear Torie
You asked me on the coaching call what area of my life is causing me the least satisfaction. I’ve given it some thought and realized, it’s not just one area.
I feel bad. All the time. About everything.
My parents want to have more time with my kids. They would love to see them everyday but we live too far away for that to be possible.I feel bad about that. I want my kids to have a close relationship with their grandparents so I feel bad for the kids, like it’s my fault they can’t see their grandparents more often.
I feel bad that I didn’t send my kids to sleepaway camp. I loved going to camp as a kid but they didn’t seem interested and I couldn’t find anyone else who wanted to do it. I feel bad that I want a week without them and none of the other moms seems ready to let go of their kids. I feel bad that my kids are stuck at home this summer watching too much TV.
I feel bad missing my daughter’s dance showcase but if I go, I have to miss work again and then I’ll feel bad about missing work. Then I feel bad for not having my shit together like other moms who manage to balance both.
I feel bad for having a partner who helps out so much when there are single moms out there doing this on their own.
I feel bad complaining about my kids’ picky eating when other moms are worried about serious issues like diabetes.
See what I mean?
How do I stop feeling bad so I can feel better about EVERYTHING?
Anika
Parent Educator Answer:
It’s exhausting to constantly feel bad about things you don’t have control over. This is a HUGE Supermom Kryptonite so let’s undo this toxic social conditioning ASAP.
Let’s start by unpacking what it means when you say “I feel bad”.
Feeling bad is a handy catch all meaning you are experiencing a negative emotion.
When trying to identify an emotion, try to think of only one word.
Most people, when asked to define “feeling bad” say it’s closest to guilt.
The purpose of guilt is to help us identify something we have done wrong so that we can apologize, make amends, ask for forgiveness, and not make the same choice again in the future. Feeling guilty feels uncomfortable so we do what we can to alleviate this discomfort so that we can go back to feeling “good”.
Guilt is an important emotion designed to help us preserve our relationships.
For example, you miss work to go to your daughter’s showcase…..every week. Your boss starts to question your commitment. She asks if she should readjust the schedule to accommodate your time off. Your coworkers are put off that they have to cover for you. You start to feel guilty. You don’t like this guilty feeling so you decide to miss the next showcase and go to work instead. The guilt goes away but then you miss the next 4 showcases and you start feeling guilty about not attending your daughter’s recent performances. You choose the showcase over work but this time, you don’t feel guilty because you are more in balance.
This is how we can use guilt to guide us towards preserving our relationship with our kids, as well as our boss and co-workers.
The problem is that so many of us feel “bad/guilty” we haven’t actually done anything wrong.
Is it wrong that you live far away from your parents? No.
Is it wrong that you value sleepaway camp more than others? No.
Is it wrong that you have a helpful partner or that you get frustrated by your kids’ picky eating? Not at all.
We don’t really have words to explain “feeling bad for no reason” or “feeling guilty for existing and being yourself.” So I’m going to offer two new definitions to explain this common feeling.
- Projection Reflection - Imagining someone else is suffering, then feeling a negative emotion because of this imagined suffering.
For example, you might imagine your parents sitting home on a Saturday afternoon, sad and lonely, wishing they could be with their grandkids. Then you start feeling “bad” because of the sad image you created in your mind. In reality, they might be out having fun or enjoying the peace and quiet of the moment, but in your MIND you picture them having a negative emotion, and then your BODY starts to experience a negative physical feeling, in reaction to YOUR PROJECTION. Your mind projects suffering, and then you feel the reflection.
- A "Poke” - When someone disagrees with us, our decisions or values, I’m going to call it a poke.
Sometimes in life, we get poked. Nobody likes being poked. It’s not a comfortable feeling. Sometimes it’s annoying, other times it actually hurts. But it’s harmless and just something we have to live with and not give it much attention.
For example: You are talking on the phone with your mom and she says, “I wish I could see the kids this weekend. Why did you have to move so far away? I don’t get enough time with them.”
Your first reaction might be to feel guilty, but then you examine your guilt and realize YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. You LIKE living a few hours away from your parents. You ENJOY having some space and distance between you. There is nothing wrong with this.
I’m calling it a “poke” when someone expresses different values and desires than yours.
You want to send your kids to sleepaway camp. Your friend says something like:
“Aren’t they a little young for that?” or
“I would miss my kids too much if they were gone for two weeks this summer.” or
“Must be nice to be able to afford sleepaway camp, it’s way too expensive for our family.”
These are “pokes”. Their values are different from yours. This is not a problem. It’s just a reminder that we value different things and as much as we’d like everyone in the world to support our decisions and agree with us, it’s not realistic.
Life Coaching Answer: How to feel better about everything
At the root of “feeling bad” all the time about everything, is a general feeling of unworthiness. Sometimes, our culture teaches us that experiencing the best things in life is selfish. We learn to become uncomfortable with joy, well being, contentment, abundance, wealth, health, freedom and love.
Is it because advertisements use our insecurities to sell their products? “Feeling bad? Drink this and then you’ll be happy and healthy.”
Is it because our friends in middle school would pull us down a notch whenever we were feeling too smart, too pretty, too talented, or too confident?
I don’t know, but it is pervasive. Feeling bad keeps us small and meek. We don’t dream big when we’re worrying about other people’s reactions. We don’t go after what we want in life when we’re worried about other people’s values “poking” us and keeping us in our place. "Feeling bad" is toxic and we need to get over it ASAP.
Because I care deeply about others, I thought that the way to show I care deeply was to “feel bad”. I heard, “People are starving in Africa so you need to eat your lima beans.” I never understood the connection but I did learn that a good person “feels bad” for the starving people. Whenever I saw someone in a wheelchair I would "feel bad" for having legs. Is this guilt? No, because I didn't do anything wrong. Somehow the message to feel grateful got turned into feeling guilty, unworthy and undeserving of the privileged life I was living.
But if we waited for everyone else to be free from suffering, we would never be happy. How can we celebrate the 4th of July when the war in Ukraine still rages? Someone, somewhere will always be suffering so when would we ever be able to feel happy, loving, joyful and free?
The turning point for me was realizing that “feeling bad” did not encourage good, productive action. This bad emotion does not drive good behavior.
When I hear about what it’s like to have a child with diabetes, my heart goes out to them. It sounds so stressful and scary. My body reacts with negative emotion. My stomach clenches, I pull in, I tell myself I’m bad for complaining about my kids’ picking eating. I withdraw.
“Feeling bad” for moms dealing with diabetes does not make me reach out to them. This Projection Reflection does not motivate me to offer a helping hand, donate to charities, pay for medicine, etc. It makes me feel small, unworthy, inadequate and not good enough. When I do reach out with kindness, I STILL feel like it’s not enough. When I do donate my time or money, my negative emotion doesn’t go away. I’m imagining they are suffering and then suffering right along with them.
When you realize that “feeling bad” does not make you a good person, or make you spread kindness and love throughout the world, it’s time to let it go.
Are you worthy of love, belonging, acceptance, joy, health and abundance?
Listen to the podcast when I talk about babies in bassinets and you will have your answer.
Next time you catch yourself feeling bad, ask yourself, “What emotion does the world need more of?”
Does the world need more blame and guilt or does it need more forgiveness and kindness?
Does the world need more suffering or more happiness?
Does it need more thoughtful, empathic women playing small, or does it need empathic women to speak louder and demonstrate love?
Then commit to your values and be the change you want to see in the world.
Supermom Kryptonite - Not knowing what your values are
Sometimes it’s clear, you value love over fear. But through the process of raising kids, our values can get murky. Should I send my kid to sleepaway camp even though the other parents aren’t? Does my introverted kid need more social activities or is it ok for him to spend so much time at home where he’s happy?
I’m struggling with my values around underage drinking. I would have been content to do what my parents did, no drinking in until you are 21. It’s the law. Everyone agrees, Easy Peasy.
Except that when I was in Costa Rica, someone offered my son a drink and he said yes. What?! I had no say in the matter. He’s an adult. The drinking age is 18. I wasn’t paying for it so there was no decision for me to make. It felt so strange.
In Europe I let loose and bought drinks for my kids, but here, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Why? My dad has a glass of wine every night with dinner, that seems just fine but when my kids want to drink with dinner, it seems totally wrong. My husband is offering cocktails while I’m offering smoothies. I’m the only one in my family still clinging to the arbitrary 21 year old drinking age. Not knowing what my values are makes it harder for me to relax and enjoy hanging out with my kids.
Life is always going to throw us curve balls and force us to update our values. Taking the time to unpack it and figure out what is important to you is worth it every single time.
Ask yourself these questions to help clarify your values:
Why is this bugging me? Am I doing a projection reflection?
Yes, I’m imagining people thinking I’m a bad mom for allowing/encouraging my kids to drink. I’m imagining my kids developing a drinking problem and the mean things I’m going to say to myself should that occur in the future. I’m reacting to my future self telling me it’s my fault because I poured them a drink at 19 instead of 21.
Am I being poked by someone else’s values disagreeing with mine? Yes, I’ve been poked my kids and husband having different opinions than me.
What is the value that is important to me that I don’t want to let go of? I value a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
What am I ready to let go of? The belief that I’m a bad mom for not obeying this U.S. law while on U.S. soil.
Get clear on your values and you will feel more energized and at peace.
Supermom Power Boost - A slice of shifting stillness
We have all the parenting answers we will ever need but in the chaos of everyday life, it can be hard to access our inner wisdom. Meditation is the gold standard but it’s not always easy for busy moms to sit still. That’s ok. You can still access your inner wisdom while moving.
Ask yourself a high quality question like, “What am I ready to let go of?” or “What value is important to me that I don’t want to let go of?”
Then go for a hike, a drive, a bike ride. Any kind of repetitive movement can help you sit in the stillness and allow those answers to come from within. Fly a kite, bake a cake, get a massage, doodle, walk a labyrinth, it doesn’t need to be exercise, just a slice of shifting stillness that will distract your left brain so you can access the inner wisdom that lies on the right hemisphere of your brain.
Quote of the Day:
For today's quote, I read an excerpt from Orli Auslander's book, "I Feel Bad". This is a funny look at the toxic habit of "feeling bad" when we haven't actually done anything wrong.
Also check out the short lived TV sit com with the same title, based on the book.
Tuesday Jun 06, 2023
What you need to know before traveling with children this summer
Tuesday Jun 06, 2023
Tuesday Jun 06, 2023
Vacation strategies for traveling with anxious, inflexible and neurodiverse children
Episode #151
Have you ever been so excited for a getaway with the kids only to come back more exhausted than before you left?
Similarly, you plan a relaxing vacation for your family but after the THIRD meltdown of the day you yell: "This is supposed to be FUN!" or "Do you know how much this is costing?"
Yeah, me neither :)
It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of a vacation, and develop short term memory loss about the challenges of traveling with children.
Let's take a minute to remember: Travel rarely provides a vacation from parenting. In fact, it can often require more hands on deck to deal with constant transitions and lack of routines and comfort.
It's best to set your expectation that vacations are TRIPS, not necessarily a vacation for YOU. Aligning your expectations with the reality that travel is just doing the work of parenting from a different location can make your life easier.
After you set yourself up for appropriate expectation, you can focus your attention on preparing the kids for a successful vacation.
There is a lot parents can do to set them up for success!
When you are at home, it's easy to forget how much of their ability to thrive depends on predictable routines and familiarity. Whether your child is neurotypical or neurodiverse, sensory seeking or sensory avoidant, today's podcast is designed to set your family up for a successful summer vacation.
Today we talk to Dawn Barclay, author of Traveling Different: Vacation Strategies for Parents of the Anxious, the Inflexible, and the Neurodiverse .
We'll talk about how to choose a trip suited to their temperament, how prepare them before it's time to go, and different resources available to help kids travel successfully. Did you know that airlines, cruises, and amusement parks have resources in place to help neurodiverse kids enjoy family vacations? Neither did I!
Dawn M. Barclay is an award-winning author who has spent a career working in different aspects of the travel industry.
After spending ten years working in sales and marketing, she branched out into travel trade reporting with positions at Travel Agent Magazine, Travel Life, Travel Market Report, and Insider Travel Report.
She is a mother of two and resides in New York’s scenic Hudson Valley.
A member of the Society of American Travel Writers and the Family Travel Association, she also writes fiction as D.M. Barr.
Website: http://www.travelingdifferent.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@travelingdiff
Facebook: www.facebook.com/travelingdifferent
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traveling_different/
Tuesday May 23, 2023
How To Live Your Life’s Purpose
Tuesday May 23, 2023
Tuesday May 23, 2023
Episode #150 - HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE PURPOSE
Living your life’s purpose feels like a heavy topic, especially when your life is busy buying graduation cards, driving to baseball games and awards banquets.
But my intention for this episode is to show you that following your destiny and fulfilling your life’s purpose is easy, light hearted and fun.
If you feel like the purpose of your life is to be a mom, you might worry about what will happen when your kids grow up and leave the house.
Maybe you are trying to guide your child towards living THEIR PURPOSE and a successful future but the world is changing so fast, you worry the wisdom you’ve acquired may not apply to the next generation.
Perhaps you thought motherhood would give you all the purpose you would ever need, but are finding the daily tasks of motherhood empty and hollow.
Wherever you are in your journey towards finding purpose, today’s episode will help you understand how to know if you are on track for your life’s purpose.
There is no need to stress about going back to work or staying home, whether to invest in competitive or recreational soccer, or worry about life after your kids leave the house.
Your purpose is always guiding you, whispering in your ear, so finding your purpose isn’t an issue, you just need to know what to look for.
Following life’s passions and purpose is one of the great joys of being human! BUT, most meaningful journeys start with a whole lot of suffering. Like becoming a mom starts with the pain of childbirth, discovering your life’s purpose can begin with suffering, but if you learn to listen to the hints and signs, you can minimize the suffering and jump into the flow your life wants to take.
Life coaching helps us get back into the flow your life is meant to take.
We are born with certain interests, personality traits, and proclivities. Our job is to figure out what those proclivities are, and go do them. It benefits the survival of our species for us all to have DIFFERENT interests and talents. If everyone LOVED staying home and tending to children, who would build the shelter, hunt for food, heal the sick, repair, explore, invent, translate, educate, etc.?
Somehow, our culture decided all moms should be good at all things, leading to a generation of burned out, overwhelmed and exhausted mommas. It’s the PRESSURE society puts on us to be good at everything that leaves us in a constant state of inadequacy. This “I’m not good enough” mental belief blocks us from listening to our intuition and feeling like we are living a purposeful, meaningful life.
I will tell you 2 stories in my life that helped guide me towards living my purpose and feeling like I was fulfilling my destiny. The first one involved years of suffering, the second involved years of fun and games. Two different ways to react to the same intuition calling you into a new direction.
My hope is that by telling these stories, you will be able to learn what signs to look for, hear how your intuition speaks to you and get back into the flow of your life with fun instead of struggle.
Intuition is often the source of our greatest suffering. It can guide us forward in playful, interesting ways or it can be the voice you don’t want to hear, but that won’t go away. It’s the voice that tells you it’s time to leave your marriage or quit the job you spent 8 years preparing for. It’s the relentless nagging that wakes you in the middle of the night until you surrender your life to the flow of destiny. But if you catch it early and keep it playful, it’s a clue, a sign, a feeling to move towards that will help you live a life that is right for you.
"Life is always speaking to you. Are you going to listen to the whispers or wait until it hits you like a brick upside your head?" Oprah Winfrey
Story #1
It was a cold, February day like any other, feeling stuck inside my house like many stay-at-home moms. I was watching the clock, counting down the hours until I could put my son to bed.
My first born was 3 years old which meant all my mommy friends were either pregnant or nursing their second child. Sure they were sleep deprived and exhausted, but they seemed content.
I was the opposite of content.
Although I loved being a mom and adored my son, I felt CRAZY. I was RESTLESS, TIRED, ANXIOUS, OVERWHELMED, DEPLETED. Other moms seemed to have their act together, but I felt like I was drowning and no one knew. I couldn’t even THINK about having another child in the state I was in.
I walked around my house, using the clutter as evidence to prove that I wasn’t measuring up as a wife, mother, housekeeper, etc. I put one glass in the dishwasher, then remember I never paid the electric bill, I’d go to the computer and think, I should be doing laundry. I’d walk to the laundry room, fold a shirt or two and think, I need to get dinner started. I’d start cooking and remember the deadline for gymnastics camp was starting soon so I’d better fill out the application. I jumped from thing to thing, mentally spinning in circles, never really accomplishing anything noticeable. By the end of the day, I was exhausted but had accomplished nothing. The house was still a mess and so was I.
The voice in my head was filled with “have to’s”, “need to’s” and “shoulds”. This made me feel like a prisoner in my own life. When people said, “You are so lucky you get to stay home and you don’t have to work” I added guilt to the shit storm of emotions I felt.
Before I agreed to marry my husband, I had two mandates. One was that he had to be willing to go to couples counseling with me, and two, that I could stay home and raise our children. I loved kids: I studied child development, family life education, and educational theories. I was CERTAIN that when I had my own kids, I would be fulfilled by being a stay home mom. I knew in my bones that I was meant to be a mom.
My a-ha moment came this dark February afternoon when O, The Oprah magazine arrived in my mailbox. I put my son down for his precious nap and plopped on the couch. I opened the magazine to an article about a life coach, helping a woman organize her home. I felt a wave of enthusiasm come over me. Suddenly I had energy AND clarity. The voice in my head said: THIS!!
I wasn’t meant just to be a stay home mom! I was put here to help others like this life coach was. I had been trying to convince myself that being a stay home mom was enough for me. As much as I THOUGHT I knew what I wanted, the contrast in emotions I felt from my daily life to reading about life coaching was DRAMATIC. It felt freeing to discover the thought, “I am meant for more than this.”
You might think I immediately signed up for life coach training and started my career, but NO.
It was a longer, more circuitous route filled with resistance and beliefs like, “I don’t know how to do that” “I could never work for myself”, “I’m not an entrepreneur” “life coaching sounds so cringy”. It was another 7 years before I signed up for life coach training, but it did start me in a new direction of finding work outside the home.
Experiencing the contrast of stay-home-mom-misery to reading-about-life-coaching-joy, put me on a new trajectory. For the first time, my aim switched from “trying to enjoy my life as a stay home with pressure, inadequacy and guilt sitting on my shoulders” to “what activities are going to give me that feeling again?”
I was at a crossroads and both paths felt terrible. The one I had been on (SAHM) felt confining, limiting and frustrating, but it was familiar. I knew where it would take me. The second path (Life Coaching) felt confusing, overwhelming, scary and I didn’t know where it would take me. This uncertainty had the potential to give me that energizing, exciting and purposeful feeling. So I slowly walked a very windy road following what felt good to me.
I needed to suffer for many years in order to give me the courage to sail into uncharted waters. I couldn’t just apply for a job as a life coach that already existed (although I tried many times). I had to navigate without a map: try new things, make mistakes, embarrass myself, fail, learn, switch directions. I learned to experience what coaches call “failing forward”. Failing for a purpose, my purpose, growing me toward a life that felt a lot more fulfilling than trying to convince myself that raising kids was enough to fulfill my soul’s calling.
I had a lot of fears and limiting beliefs to overcome. “Who do I think I am?” “What if people don’t like me or think I’m weird?” “No one will hire me if my life isn’t perfect.” I had to learn to tame the mean sabotaging voice in my head and find some compassion glasses to put on when I talked to myself. I had to turn down my empathy dials and give up a habit of overwhelm and worrying. I had to stop people pleasing and find courage and gumption instead.
It was a whole lot of work that involved a whole lot of suffering. But as sucky as it felt, I could fall back on that feeling that I was doing the right thing for ME. After a few hours of teaching, doing the dishes didn’t BOTHER me like it before. Now I could enjoy folding laundry because it was a break from putting myself out there. I had something interesting to think about while doing the same old tasks. I was back on track with my life’s purpose and I knew it because it felt so much better.
We are born 100% ourselves, very connected to the essence of who we are, what interests we have, our innate personalities and talents. Along the way we become socialized away from this knowing. We learn what our society values and approves of. We learn to feel embarrassed or ashamed. We hide parts of ourselves, and exaggerate other parts, in order to be accepted and approved by our culture.
Two things give you purpose and meaning:
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Reconnecting with your essence.
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Obeying the call to align with that essence.
Story #2
"Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open doors to you." Joseph Campbell
It was a cozy evening in November, I was sitting by the fireplace watching my son about to open his first college acceptance letter. We weren't expecting any to come this early so we were surprised. He hadn’t even finished filling out his applications yet so there was no built up anticipation. His school of choice, (Western Washington), accepted him in the major of his choice, (Linguistics). He smiled as he read. He looked up at me calmly and said, “That’s it. They want me, I want them. That’s it, I am decided.”
I spent the next month trying to convince him otherwise. “Are you sure?” “Don’t you at least want to tour this (more prestigious) school?” “We still have our trip planned to visit (out of state school offering good financial incentives), don’t you want to have something to compare to?”
I made it sound logical but really, I was struggling. As soon as he chose his school, I realized something scary.
It wasn’t that he was moving 900 miles away, I was mentally prepared for that.
It wasn’t that I thought he was making the wrong decision, this school had everything he was looking for.
It was this voice that came into my head saying, “This is where my adventure ends and his begins.”and I didn’t want that to be true.
I LOVED the process of helping my son plan for his future. I loved touring schools, dreaming what it would be like to live in different places. I imagined my visits and what activities I could do while there. I got excited thinking about the different people, clubs, and opportunities he would have by going off to college.
The truth of the sentence “This is where his adventure begins and mine ends.” hit me hard because I knew, in my heart, that I didn’t want my adventure to end. I wanted something new and exciting as well, but I didn’t know what that would be. I had 4 more years until my daughter graduated high school. I was content with my life. I had a part time job, a wonderful coaching practice, a good marriage, a house I loved, family and community nearby, I didn't want to go back to college or change anything in my life.
I ignored this call to adventure and decided I would be satisfied with visiting my son at school and going through college tours with my daughter.
But in the back of my mind, I knew having an empty nest was going to unearth some realities I wasn’t ready to listen to.
Instead of WAITING for the suffering to start, I went on a scavenger hunt. I started paying attention to which activities I loved and which ones I didn’t. I started imagining life without carpools and volleyball tournaments. When I encountered a mom with adult kids, I interviewed her to see where she found passion and adventure.
Imagining this future life did not make me feel good. I was worried about where I would find meaning and purpose. Who would I be without kids in the house? What would happen to my marriage? My social life?
I paid attention to what lit me up. When I looked at social media, did I get jealous? If so, what was I jealous of? What books, TV shows and movies was I drawn to? Which friends did I enjoy the most and what topics of discussion did I find interesting?
Over the years I have learned to TRUST this still small voice in my head. I knew it would lead me onto the right path for me, I just had to pay attention.
Our friends came to visit from Costa Rica and tried to convince us to plan a vacation there. I wasn’t interested (seems crazy now but I think I was just too tired to think about it). But what REALLY surprised me was how I perked up at the idea of MOVING to Costa Rica and having my daughter do high school there. That was weird. Why would I be interested in moving to a place I’ve never been? Why would I rather live there, but not vacation there? I paid attention and made a mental note.
When we went to Costa Rica and fell in love with the nature, the people, and the feeling of being removed from our busy, stimulating world. As a life coach, I knew that Costa Rica wasn’t magical (even though it felt that way), it was who we became while we there that we fell in love with. I tried to bring those relaxation vibes home with me. I experimented and played around with how to make my life in the suburbs more like Costa Rica.
I planned an outing for my son and I before he left for University. I figured between it being my birthday and his last weekend at home, I could make him agree to do something fun with me one last time. We brought our bicycles, reserved some kayaks and drove to a lighthouse on the Pacific Coast to spend the night in a youth hostel.
In the morning I woke up to the most beautiful view I had ever seen.
Towering cliffs plunged into the sparkling blue ocean while birds dove into the waves looking for their morning meal. The gentle waves rolled on the pristine sandy beach inside a serene cove while out into the ocean, the waves crashed against rock formations. I was awestruck. The sea otters rode the undulating waves on their backs without a care in the world. As I sipped my latte overlooking this panoramic view, I felt a feeling that I knew I wanted more of. This beautiful clear day, in an unfamiliar place, filled with planned, outdoor activities and a very clear voice inside that said “THIS”. This is what I want.
When you spend 18 years raising kids, it’s easy to lose track of who you are. When nobody asks you, “What do you want to do this weekend, Mom?” or “What do you want to eat for lunch?” You forget to ask yourself those fundamental questions. Everyone else’s desires come through loud and clear but are own are quiet.
Our life’s purpose speaks to us through our desires. If we ignore our desires, we don’t know what our purpose is calling us towards.
This intuition, that we all have, gets our attention through yearning and discontent.
If we ignore the desire, it turns to discontentment.
If you ignore the discontentment, it turns into suffering.
After this a-ha weekend with my son, I found some friends who were willing to create a “Mom’s Adventure Club”. A group of moms whose “kids won’t play with them anymore”. We plan hikes, bike rides, kayaking, snowshoeing and skiing adventures. It has been a saving grace for me during COVID and the transition to having kids move out of my house.
I could have waited until I was sad, lost and lonely to figure out my empty nest strategy but why suffer if you don’t need to? Watching for clues of things that light you up, noticing where you feel jealous of others, what ignites you, imagining alternative life plans, is a light hearted way play at the game of life.
You are always living your purpose. You cannot escape it. It will either get your attention through yearnings and desires, or it will get it through suffering and discontent. It will never leave you.
Now as I get ready to leave the house I raised my kids in, I have to remind myself that this adventure is what I wanted. I didn’t want predictability, I wanted uncertainty and I’ve got it. I want that awestruck feeling of waking up and seeing something amazing. I want to spend more time outdoors having new experiences. My life feels scary and uncomfortable, but very aligned with my purpose. My plan is to live summer’s at the lake, winter’s in Costa Rica, and coach my clients from beautiful places around the world. I’m not sure how working while traveling is going to go but I am excited to obey the call to adventure I heard almost 5 years ago.
Following your purpose can involve a whole lot of suffering, or you can treat it like that game of you are getting warmer. You don’t know exactly where your destiny lies, but you have to take a step in some direction to find out if it feels warmer or colder. Even when you feel aligned with your purpose, something could change at any moment to uproot you. We never stop playing this game until the day we die. Does watching the news before bed make you feel warmer or colder? Does having a weekend with no plans make you feel warmer or colder? We are always changing but if you can keep a playful attitude while on this game of life, you will ENJOY the discovery of your purpose and eliminate unnecessary suffering.
Supermom Power Boost: Try this exercise at home. Create 5 different paths for your future.
Your purpose isn't just ONE thing. It's about being the person you were meant to be. When we attach too tightly to things going a certain way, we get too rigid. One way to stay flexible and open minded in a constantly changing world is to create 5 different paths for your future.
Your job is replaced by Artificial Intelligence. Your marriage implodes. Another pandemic hits. Aliens abduct your family and no one believes you.
At any moment, something can derail your life. If this makes you feel anxious like it does me, exercise your creativity and come up with 5 alternative life plans. This way, your job is replaced by Artificial Intelligence, your marriage implodes, another pandemic hits or aliens abduct your family and no one believes you, you can just move on to Plan B. It's a sneaky way of feeling in control of something you don't have control over.
Here are my 5 alternative life plans, all of which I would be happy to pursue.
- I travel and work abroad with my husband, continuing to grow my podcast and coaching practice, from beautiful new places.
- I work at home but take time off to work in volunteer camps around the globe. Organizing trips for parents to come along with me and bring their teens.
- Find a small community that I love and want to get involved with. I teach kids, play golf, Pickleball, yoga, hike, and enjoy an outdoor lifestyle. Maybe I work a booth at art & wine on the weekends supporting a volunteer organization.
- I move abroad by myself and get a social job in the daytime where I can meet people (like waiting tables or some easy service job), then coach my clients at night.
- I live with a group of female friends, hosting speed dating events, working as a matchmaker and dating coach.
There are many ways to live your life's purpose. You can't NOT live your life's purpose. Even if you are suffering, that is coming from your higher self, trying to get your attention so you can get back in the flow of your life.
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Tuesday May 02, 2023
Your Late Night Food Binge is Your Ticket to Happiness
Tuesday May 02, 2023
Tuesday May 02, 2023
Ep 149: Your Late Night Food Binge is Your Ticket to Happiness
Interview with entrepreneur and master life coach, Corinne Crabtree
This was a fun and fabulous interview with my colleague that you are sure to enjoy! Even if you don't binge eat at night, it's those evening hours that give you insight into your truest self. Whether you stay up late watching TV, drinking wine, playing Candy Crush or sneaking food rewards, that is the time of day that we are trying to nurture ourselves.
Stop feeling guilty and start paying attention to what you really crave: rest, pleasure, joy, self care, nurturing, a break from self pressure. Then find ways to bring more of this into your life deliberately. Stop eliminating your one source of joy by dieting. Expand your joy and diversify the amount of ways you get the rest, nurturing and self love you crave.
I'm so excited to get to share this interview with you!
Corinne Crabtree is a Master Certified Weight and Life Coach with a mission
to help every woman break generational curses in order to improve their
personal health and wealth. Corinne lost 100lbs 15 years ago and ever since,
she has dedicated her life to teaching women how to do the same.
Corinne Crabtree is one of the leading voices in the weight loss and business
industry.
She’s the host of the wildly successful podcast, Losing 100lbs with Corinne,
which has been downloaded over 50 million times in 160 countries. Over 1
Million women have taken her free weight loss course and Corinne now
serves over 14,000 paid members in the No BS Weight loss Program.
You can catch Corinne on Facebook and Instagram talking shit about the
diet and online marketing industry. Her greatest passion is helping women
get rid of their old shitty thoughts by using self love to never quit on
themselves again.
[caption id="attachment_14147" align="aligncenter" width="543"] Interview with Corinne Crabtree[/caption]
Listen and Subscribe to the Losing 100 Pounds Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/losing-100-pounds-with-corinne/
id1233384453
Link to Corinne’s Free Weight loss Course & Website
www.nobsfreecourse.com
Losing 100 Podcast/No BS Weight loss Program Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/
Instagram - @Corinne_Crabtree
No BS Business WomenFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/
Instagram - @NoBSBusinessWomen