Enneagram #9 - The Peacemaker

Enneagram Type 9

The Peacemaker - The Mediator

[caption id="attachment_14948" align="alignright" width="997"] Enneagram Type 9[/caption]

If you resonate with every number on the enneagram, you might be 9.

The Enneagram Type 9 can be called the crown of the Enneagram because it is at the top of the symbol and because it seems to include the whole of it. Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. What they lack is a strong sense of their own identity.

Being a separate self, an individual who must assert herself against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.

Cool, calm and collected with a zen like presence, nines have the ability to diffuse conflict with ease. They are generally liked by most people and have a wide circle of acquaintances. 

Nines are defined by their desire to maintain a sense of inner peace and harmony, and to avoid conflict or other emotional disturbances. They are typically agreeable, calm, and easy to be around.

Empathetic and observant, Type 9’s can make loving and attentive parents. They strive to create a cozy and comfortable home, with harmony and kindness on the inside. 

Enneagram Type Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. While they typically go with the flow, they dislike being controlled and will respond with passive resistance if pushed too far.

 

Core fear: Being separated and disconnected from others. They cope with this fear by submitting to the desires of the people around them. 

Core desire: Inner stability and peace 

Core motivation: To avoid tension and conflict, to preserve things as they are, and to create harmony in the environment. They agree in order to be included. 

 

Nines want to avoid the disturbing aspects of life and seek peace and comfort by “numbing out.” Nines run away from the problems and negative emotions of life by seeking to find simple and painless solutions to their problems.

Nine can often be physically present, but disappear into their minds and imaginations. They are Queens of coziness, laying in bed, reading books, numbing out, avoiding decisions and problems. Like Type 7’s invented FOMO, Type 9’s invented “procrastiworking”. Cleaning, tidying, organizing, or doing easy and mindless work tasks as a way to avoid the big uglies. 

Type 9 Peacemakers are social chameleons who can adapt to the group dynamic easily and help others get along. They’re soft-spoken yet loyal and fun to be around, intuitively knowing how to include and engage everyone in conversation.

Peacemakers retain their self-esteem through being kind and helpful to others. They enjoy the comfortable side of life and love to have a personal space to recharge from the outer world.

Many are deep seekers of meaning and have a fond appreciation of spirituality and a sense of connectedness with the universe.

 

3 Questions to help determine if you might be a 9

1. Do I struggle with dormant anger and voicing my own opinion?
2. Do I blend personality based on the people I am with?
3. Do people find you easy to approach and non-judgmental in almost all circumstances?

If so, you might be a Type 9 Peacemaker

[caption id="attachment_14949" align="alignright" width="1080"] Enneagram Type 9[/caption]

Charlotte was a friend who had hired me because she noticed she was using food to soothe herself and feel comfortable and she was worried about her weight gain. She knew I wasn’t a weight coach but she felt comfortable with me and that is what mattered most to her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone else.

She talked about how much she wanted to lie in bed for hours on end. All she wanted to do was seek comfort by reading books, lying in bed, and eating. She was going through the motions of her life, cooking, driving her kids, laundry, etc. but she felt numb. Her body was present but her spirit wasn’t fully alive. 

Type 9’s are the most empathetic of all types and can take on the emotions and energy of the people around them. She had married a type 8 with a strong personality and loads of energy. Being around him naturally energized her and his confidence and fearlessness made her feel brave and alive. 

But her energy source husband changed when he came down with a serious illness. He became angry, needy and anxious. She became his caretaker and nurse, trying to bring him back to health. As his treatments ended and his recovery began, Charlotte began to fall apart. 

She lost touch with her own wants and desires and was suppressing her anger that her life had been derailed. She resented that her husband, not only wasn’t appreciative of all she had done for him, but who’s bad mood was bringing her down.

Once Charlotte had an understanding of the big picture and why she was seeking comfort through food and avoidance of life, she started reconnecting with her desires. 

Like most 9’s, her number one desire was to have time to herself because it’s the only way 9’s can connect with their essence and who they are at their core. She started advocating for her own needs with her husband. She asked him to bring her coffee in bed every morning and then leave her alone for an hour, and he was happy to give her something she really wanted.

Overtime, Charlotte learned to listen to her anger to help build stronger connections with herself as well as her partner. She learned to listen to her fatigue as a way to pay attention to her own wants and needs. 

The more she advocated for herself, the more confidence she started to have. As her husband’s health improved, she felt ready to get back to her hobbies and interest that were separate from him. 

 

Nine’s are generally composed and have a calming presence, which automatically help s diffuse tense situations. 

They are compassionate and understanding, able to see things from multiple perspectives.

Healthy Nines are flexible and can adjust well to changes or different environments.

Non-judgemental, patient and accepting, Type 9 moms are the ones you want to come to talk about your problems. Their ability to reassure others and listen attentively means they can become a confidant, sounding board, or dumping ground for emotional / hormonal teenagers. 

Their ability to put themselves in others’ shoes and feel what other people are feeling can cause them to lose themselves while raising kids. Over-empathizing wipes them out, making them feel exhausted just from being around others. 

 

Here are some struggles Enneagram Type 9’s have while parenting

1. Piling up unresolved issues because of a desire to avoid conflict. 
2. Difficulty making decisions. 
3. Loss of Identity: They may struggle to assert their individuality and may merge with others' identities or preferences.
4. Self Neglect. Difficulty advocating for their own needs. Lack of assertiveness. 
5. Difficulty saying no and setting boundaries. 
6. Escapism: Type 9s may use distractions or numbing activities to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions.
7. Resentment: If their needs are consistently ignored, they may harbor resentment or passive-aggressive feelings.
8. Fatigue and exhaustion caused from over-empathizing and being too “spongey”.

 

Missy came to life coaching complaining about her “laziness”. She was frustrated with herself for “not being able to get anything done” and spending every weekend too exhausted to do anything. 

She felt like other moms were much more efficient and productive with their time. She was planning to have her thyroid checked out because her exhaustion felt so extreme. 

Missy was a teacher who worked with 30+ kids everyday, then came home to 3 kids of her own. She was a big hearted, enneagram type 9 who strived to create harmony wherever she went. 

Missy didn’t realize she was soaking up the energies of the people around her. She didn’t have any ENERGETIC boundaries and was OVER EMPATHIZING with the many children in her life (which is a tricky, invisible thing but very tangible to those suffering from it!). 

The first thing we did was to reframe “lazy” as “taking on other people’s stuff”. Nine’s are the spongiest of all types and can easily lose themselves in relationship with others or while raising kids. When Missy felt exhausted, she needed to release the self criticism and find tools to “wring out” other people’s stuff and clear her energy. 

This was all pretty strange to Missy who came for productivity life hacks but she immediately could feel the results and quickly became a believer. 

She needed to find ways to preserve her energy so it wouldn’t leak out so quickly. We used the vivid imagination 9’s are known for and imagined putting a bubble around her to prevent her from taking on the emotions of others. The kids weren’t aloud inside her bubble unless they were feeling peace, love and harmony. 

Missy learned going straight to a restorative yoga class after school helped her purge the energies of the day. Walking alone in nature on the weekends helped her feel connected to her spirit but she had to discipline her mind not to think about her kids while walking. 

Missy learned that energy is a renewable resource. Just because she felt exhausted, didn’t mean her only option was to flatline and then shame herself for her lack of productivity. It’s just the fixes were internal, not external. 

Type 9’s need to be careful with self care. Getting a massage, without doing the inner energy clearing, means they just end helping and healing the massage therapist. Going out with girlfriends means they just soaked up even more energy from friends, waiters, uber drivers, etc. 

Invisible problems like over-empathy, require invisible solutions. This inner work of clearing energy, imagining invisible boundaries, and using visualizations is the fastest path to a healthy and balanced. 

 

What 9’s moms gain from life coaching 

• A safe place to reconnect with their essence; the part of themselves that got lost while parenting their kids. They get to feel like themselves again.

• Make friends with anger! Healthy ways to process negative emotions so they can be fully alive and present instead of numbing out.

• Free up your energy. Stop leaking energy by over empathizing and learn to stay in your personal power so you can feel more accomplished and productive.

 

3 Tips to help 9’s grow into health and balance

• Everyday, think about an opinion that you hold strongly and voice that opinion to someone during the day. Ask yourself, “Has it become easier to say what I really think?” “Are some people easier to share with than others?”

• Any change you want to make starts with HOW YOU FEEL. Focusing how your feelings (instead of everyone else’s) will increase your personal power. Your energy goes where your attention goes. If your attention is inside of your body (where emotions reside) you will have more energy to spare throughout the day.

• Use the magical sentence to help get control of your tasks: What would I LOVE to ACCOMPLISH by the end of the day? This brings your awareness onto YOU and what you want, reminds you that you are in control, forces small action steps and brings you out of numbing or procrastiworking and into control, plus gives you a dopamine hit once you accomplish the task.

 

3 Tips to help Enneagram Type 9's grow in health and balance

1. Get into the body to access emotions. Find healthy ways to express anger.
2. Get clear on what you want. Notice when you start to drift away mentally.
3. Notice when your life is on autopilot. Nine’s feel like they never really lived their life because they are afraid of the spotlight. Create a life you can be proud of.